I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
