I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
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