Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
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