We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
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New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
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I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
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