He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
