We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
what day is it and did you see me today?
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Randomize
