And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
