I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
