Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
I want her autograph on my taint
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
We don't watch enough power rangers
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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