apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
I wish you could order shots online.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
