I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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