no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
How does it feel to date your dad?
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
