the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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