I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
