The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
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Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
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So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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