I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
