I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
