The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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