you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
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