my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
