Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
