you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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