In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
