dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Randomize
