just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
