i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
Plan B is the new Plan A
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
