I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
