i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
of course. lets lasso hookers.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
