why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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