The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
There's always time for handjobs
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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