id be glad to
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Randomize
