so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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