when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
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