Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
