Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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