I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
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