And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
