this beer tastes like vomit already
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
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How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
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I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
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