She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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