I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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