You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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