So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
