reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
