I'm lost and stupid without you.
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
