Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Randomize
