We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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