I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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