I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
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high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
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