Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
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