while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
