he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
