fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Randomize
