So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
