is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
