My room smells like vodka and shame
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
The police scanner is talking about you again....
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
