His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Randomize
