when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Randomize
