i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Randomize
