:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize
