Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
