omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Randomize
