Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize
