She's JV to your varsity
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
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