I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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