i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
